Heart Ache
by Ageless Writer
Summary: Takes place after the events of Where He Went, but before Unimaginable. Carter is dealing with the aftermath of being in a prisoner/captor situation, but after months of nightmares and looking over her shoulder, her calm and calculating exterior collapses, just as her sense of security did months ago. What seems to be her only way out though, may not be the best way out. T
1. Prologue

Heart Ache

**I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.**

**A/N:I apologize for the long hiatus and regretfully inform you that, for those of you reading 'As the Fates Would Have it', I have out that on hiatus along with my one shot collection. I apologize again for that. I knew where I was going with it, but familial problems arose and, long story short, I lost my zest for those stories. However this is a story I wanted to write for a while now. Hopefully you will enjoy it. On with the show:**

**Prologue: Heart Ache**

Everyone at the Kort house had been preparing for their Fourth of July tradition. The one where Trent took them to the park to swim, eat barbeque, and watch the fireworks. Benji, the white fluffy dog they had adopted that February, had even been excited. Even with all the excitement though, something had felt off to Trent. He had looked over at his family as they sat around watching the parade on the television. Casey, his loving wife, was in the middle of their two boys, Dakota and Corey. Benji had been outside, getting a little pre-excerise before the excursion(and he was acting weirder than usual). It clicked. Carter was missing.

"Where's Carter?"he asked. Casey looked at him.

"Last time I saw her was breakfast, right before she went upstairs to change clothes. She's thirteen now, probably trying a new hairstyle or something."Casey answered, shrugging. Trent raised an eyebrow.

"Carter? Trying something new on her own free will? That's a good joke."the older man snickered. Casey smirked.

"Good point. I forget how much like her father she is."Casey retorted. Trent rolled his good eye, going to say something before Dakota spoke up.

"Quiet you guys! The Spider-Man float is next! I don't want to miss it!"Dakota exclaimed. Trent snickered, wondering how in the world his son had become obsessed with the arachnoid hero.

"Alright, alright. I'm gonna go check on Carter then."Trent spoke to Casey, who nodded in agreement. He walked up the stairs, towards his daughter's room. He knocked on the door. "Carter. Carter. Are you decent? May I come in?"he asked. When she didn't answer, he felt a knot forming in his stomach. "Carter! Carter?!"he tried again. The gut he formed from working with Gibbs was going off. He opened the door, walking in.

What he saw shocked him, throwing him into a panic. Carter was laid down on the floor of her room, a knife, one she seemed to have gotten from the kitchen, was laying down beside her, blood seeping. "CASEY! Call 911! Now! We need an ambulance!"he screamed. He bent down next to Carter, searching for a pulse. She still had one, a good sign. Her eyes opened slightly, their coloring had become hazy-looking.

"I... I'm sorry Daddy... I'm sorr-"she whispered, her eyes closing again. Trent felt himself panicking. This couldn't be happening to him, to his daughter. He found where she was bleeding at, her wrists, and began to attempt to apply pressure, praying the entire time.

"What's going on?"he heard Casey ask. He chanced at glance at his wife, seeing her on the phone before gesturing to the child in his arm. She gasped, her eyes tearing up before speaking to the operator...

That was hours ago. Now they were at the hospital, they being Casey and himself. The others had been taken to the park by their friend and neighbor, Mrs. Garcia. Casey was trembling still, scared; Trent didn't blame her though, he was shaking too. His daughter... Had tried to commit suicide... Had used one of his kitchen knives... He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to cook again with it.

"Do... You think this is why Benji was acting so strangely? Dogs are really sensitive to these kinds of things... Maybe he knew..."Casey murmured to him, cutting into his thoughts. He turned to her, looking her in the eyes. Her face was red and puffy from crying, and his probably wasn't any better to look at.

"Perhaps... I... I'm not sure... I'm not really sure about many things right now..."Trent answered, holding her close. She closed her eyes, feeling a few tears fall down.

"I know what you mean... It... It's hard... To believe that she would..."Casey's voice failed her as she began to cry again. Trent pulled her closer, trying to keep her close again.

"Shh... Shh..."he tried to soothe her, rubbing her back. A nurse walked over to them.

"Excuse me... Mr. and Mrs. Kort... I have a few questions to ask you... If you don't mind..."the nurse began. Casey took a shaky breath, trying to gather her thoughts, to compose herself. Trent bit his lip, trying to do the same.

"Go ahead... But we have questions we want answered too..."Trent finally answered. The nurse nodded.

"Of course you do... My first question is... Does Carter have a history of suicidal thoughts or actions? Has she ever done this before?"the nurse asked. Trent and Casey both shook their heads, a bit of anger rising. How dare this woman think that Carter, their only daughter, would even have thought of doing this before.

"No. This is the first time we've ever known of her to do something like this."Casey answered, deciding to go with the simple, but honest answer. There wasn't time to fight with the nurse, not right now anyway...

"Okay. Has she been depressed about anything recently? Or been on any anti-depressant medications?"the nurse asked, looking at her chart. Trent sighed.

"Perhaps... She has been put on Paxil for anxiety... She had been... Taken... Months ago and the effects were long lasting... Nightmares, constantly worried about being out in public or at school, fearing that her previous captors would be there, waiting for her. However... I couldn't be sure if she was exactly, depressed about it. Just overly anxious because of it..."Trent answered. The nurse nodded, writing down everything on her chart.

"Last questions. Is she bullied in school? Are there problems at school or in the family? Has she ever spoken of anything in a morbid manner before this happened?"the nurse asked.

"There are no problems in our family. Unless the usual sibling rivalries and pet arguing counts as problems in the family."Casey answered, much more harshly than she meant it to sound.

"She isn't bullied in school nor are there problems at school. Carter is a straight A student, has many friends, and those that try to bully her tend to get her to beat them in a game of wits, as she forever has a comeback for everything. As for morbidity, you just have to understand her sense of humor is very dry and sarcastic, many mistake that as being morbid though."Trent explained. The nurse nodded.

"Thank you for your time."she said, turning to walk away.

"Don't leave yet. We have questions of our own. Like is she gonna be okay? When can we see her? Is she alright?"Casey rattled off the questions, trembling. Trent looked at the nurse, trying to plead with her silently.

"She... Is okay physically. Mentally and emotionally are a different story however. You can see her as soon as we're done seeing what she's gonna need to get through this... Another thing, the marks on her wrists were deep... She may have scarred herself..."the nurse answered. Casey bit her lip, feeling Trent's grip on her tighten.

"Okay... Just tell us when we can see her..."Trent spoke up. The nurse nodded, leaving the couple alone to wonder...


	2. Chapter One: Five Months Earlier

Heart Ache

I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.

A/N:I am going to attempt to to this from Carter's POV now... Wish me luck. Oh, and italics are either emphasis or dreams. On with the show:

Chapter One: Five Months Earlier

_I struggled against the binds on my arms, trying to get free. However, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get free. He walked over to me, twirling my hair in his hands. I swallowed, trying to swallow my fears. He couldn't know that I was scared, or he would use it against me. "What... What are you doing Perry?"I asked, my voice more accented than usual as my fear showed through. I could see his smile, one that sent shivers down my spine._

_"__I am just playing with your hair, Miss Kort. It's so pretty and soft... Is the rest of you this soft?"he asked. I tensed slightly, knowing full well that wasn't a question that a man of his age should be asking a twelve year old girl._

_"__I... I don't know... But let's not find out right now, okay?"I said, trying to keep from acting so scared, to try and control the situation, just like my dad would have. Perry chuckled._

_"__I won't hurt you. I promise... You won't feel a thing..."he murmured, kissing the top of my head, something only my dad did. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to will the man to leave me alone. I felt his hand lay down on my shoulder, rubbing my shoulder. I tensed more, trying to pull away. "Now Carter. Please, behave. You were the one who wanted to be friends, but you keep pulling away. I'm just being friendly."Perry spoke. I shuddered, realizing he was right at my ear as he murmured that._

_"__Yes... But you are acting too friendly... You're so much older than me, it isn't right to do what you're trying to do."I finally said, finding my voice. He chuckled darkly and I felt his hand glide down my side. I tried to pull away..._

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnggggggggggggggg!

I shot straight up, panting. I looked around the room I was in. The walls were a light blue shade, the window closed up for winter, a movie start-up screen showing on the television. I looked at the bed I was laying on, a plaid bed-spread laid out. I shook, from cold or fear I couldn't tell. But I was safe at the moment, in my own room. I wiped my forehead, getting rid of the cold sweat.

I found my phone, the source of my awakening, the thing that saved me from the recurring nightmares. Turning off the alarm, I glanced at the time and date. February 18, 2013, 6:20 am. Time to get up and get ready for school. Another day of looking over my shoulder, of avoiding contact with everyone and everything, of pretending I was okay around my family.

Getting up, I started to get dressed, finding my favorite pair of jeans and my pink skull t-shirt that Aunt Abby gave me for my birthday. I smiled, thinking of how much fun my birthday was this past weekend, how great I had felt to turn thirteen. The memory flashed in mind however, and reminded me of the awful dreams I had been having for the past two weeks.

I shook my head, going to my bathroom to brush my hair out so I could pull back into a ponytail. I didn't need to think about that nightmare, about what happened. It was over, he was back in jail. I never had to see him again. It's a new day and I need to try and make it a good one. Even if it is just for my facade...

Walking downstairs, the usual breakfast scene was playing out. Corey was in his high-chair, ready for his favorite cereal to be given to him. Dakota was sitting at the table, eating toast and his "POPS", still half-asleep as always. Dad was reading the newspaper, coffee in hand. Mom was just shaking her head as he began to speak of the latest events. And then there was Benji, the newest addition to our little family. He fit in fairly well, mostly already housebroken and knew how to beg, his big soulful eyes continuing to eye everyone's breakfast. A normal day... But why could I still not shake the nightmares? Why couldn't I continue on normally like the others?

I sighed, realizing that those questions may never be answered. Instead, I put on my fake smile, the one that I had almost convinced everyone was my real one, and greeted everyone like I usually did of a morning. I kissed my dad on the cheek and my mom on her forehead, ruffling my little brothers' hair. Today was going to be normal, I was going to be okay...


	3. Chapter Two: Normal Day of School

Heart Ache

I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.

A/N:I am going to attempt to to this from Carter's POV now... Wish me luck. Oh, and italics are either emphasis or dreams. On with the show:

Chapter Two: "Normal" Day at School

Daddy was the one who ended up taking Dakota and I to school and Corey to his day-care. He dropped me and Koda off at school, and I walked towards the gym where seventh through twelfth grade went before school officially started. I sat down where Ruby, Melissa, and I usually hang out, sitting down, my mind wandering to my nightmare, the images replaying over and over in my head. I know I could have stopped it and hurt him, but I didn't. I could have gotten lose, but I didn't. I was a failure, a child. I allowed a grown man to manipulate me, to use me, to frighten me so bad that even weeks after his arrest, I still fear him, still have nightmares of him...

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder and I tensed and moved away, turning to see who it was, to see if it was who my mind thought it was. I swore mentally when I saw Jayden, his hands over his head in a surrender stance. "Hey... Easy. It's just me Car."he calmly told me, smiling. I took a deep breath.

"You really shouldn't sneak up on a girl like that Jay. You might get hurt doing that one day."I retorted, trying to make myself relax, to make myself remember that _he_ couldn't hurt me anymore. Jayden chuckled.

"I guess you're right. Anyway, I came up here to ask if you had a great birthday."Jayden said. I forced a smile.

"Yeah. I had a great birthday. Melissa and Ruby got to come over to my house and I got a dog, Benji. He's just a puppy right now though."I answered. Jayden nodded, moving a strand of his blonde hair out of his face.

"Sounds like it was fun. Speaking of Mel and Ru though... Where are they?"he asked, using our nicknames for our friends. I shrugged, beginning to wonder that myself.

"Well... Mel usually comes in late anyway, and Ru is at her dad's house this week, so she may be slightly later than usual..."I answered. Jayden nodded.

"I see... So think that Coach Ford is gonna take it easy on us today, since it's our first day back from Valentine's Day weekend?"Jay asked. I shook my head.

"Probably not... He's not the type who takes it easy on any of us."I replied. He shrugged. Ruby ran in a few minutes later, smiling.

"Hey Jay, Car. How goes it?"she asked, pushing her glasses up. I forced another smile.

"Great. It goes great Ruby."I lied, retaining eye contact with her so she wouldn't notice as easily. But, considering she is my best friend, she gave me one of her knowing looks, one that told me that I would have a lot to answer for when she got me alone.

"It goes-eth great-eth Lady Ruby. How do thee fair, thy maiden?"Jayden asked, using his best knight voice. Ruby chuckled.

"It goes great. Had an amazing time at Carter's, got to watch all the movies we could stay awake long enough to watch."Ruby answered. Jayden nodded.

"That's great."he replied, smiling. The three of us then began a conversation, one that ended up being mainly between the two of them, me only giving a little input every now in then. In all honesty, the conversation wasn't interesting me like it should have and my mind kept wandering back to Perry and his wandering hands. The thought made me shudder and the others must have noticed because they asked what was wrong.

I looked between my friends, my mind whirring for an answer. "Nothing's wrong guys. I'm just cold. This jacket is warm, but not warm enough."I lied again, this lie more believable than my last. Jayden took off his jacket.

"Here. You can use mine if you want to... I'm warm enough without it."he said, handing the jacket to me. Such a nice act of kindness, one that showed me that there were nice guys in the world, that chivalry isn't completely dead. I took it from him, draping it over my own jacket.

"Thank you."I thanked him, smiling, this one a real smile. Jayden smiled back.

"Welcome."

First block passed quickly with a game of dodge ball. I was usually one of the last standing, but this time I was one of the first out. I just used the time to think, to try and find away to get rid of the nightmares, of the thoughts that plagued me. It wasn't fair that because of him, because of his evil, that I had to suffer all the time. It just wasn't fair. I sighed, remembering my dad's former job, my mom's job, what they deal with. Life isn't always fair, I know that, but this just seems overly cruel to me...

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't notice Ruby sat down beside me. "Penny for your thoughts, my friend?"she asked, showing me a penny with the face up. I smiled weakly.

"That's your lucky penny that you found... You need to keep it Ru."I told her. The redhead shook her head.

"Right now Carter, I think you need it's luck more than I do."she insisted, taking my hand and placing the coin in it. "Now tell me, what's wrong with you? You lied to me about being okay, and you look like you haven't slept in ages. I mean, honestly, you got bags under your bags that are under your eyes. That's not good for girls our age, nor is it normal. You keep going off to what I have been dubbing 'La-La Land' and you haven't looked any of us truly in the eyes all day. And I know you Carter, you assert your 'control' by staring people in the eyes."Ruby questioned me. I bit my lip. Of course Ruby would be so perceptive of my oddities lately, she is after all, my best friend.

"I... I have just been having these real bad dreams lately... That's all..."I said. She glowered her eyes at me, the green orbs boring into my blue ones, searching for the truth.

"Alright... I'll buy that for now... But I hope you do tell me the whole truth soon. I might can help..."Ruby responded. In an instant, her eyes lit up again, and she smiled. "So, I found this new manga for us to read. It seems pretty interesting. It's about an angel who isn't a full angel yet and she gets rescued by this human... It's called 'Wish'."Ruby told me. She then began speaking more about the Japanese comic book...

It was fourth block and all had went well today. The others hadn't arrived quite yet, and the teacher had went into the bathroom for the moment. I didn't panic as much as I thought I would and hadn't broken down. All was well. Until Jayden sneaked up behind me. I jumped quickly and pushed him, my mind momentarily flashing back to when Perry had me. Jay quickly threw his hands up in the air, in a surrender motion. "Whoa Car! It's just me."he said, his voice calm and soothing. I took several deep breaths, sitting down in my seat.

"Don't sneak up on me like that! Are you out of your mind?! What if I had some kind of weapon or I actually tried to hurt you?!"I asked/yelled at him, trying to calm down. Jayden carefully sat down beside me.

"I am so sorry. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to scare you."he said, keeping his voice low and calm.

"It's okay... And I wasn't scared... I was startled... Really badly..."I tried to explain calmly. I have a reputation after all, as 'Little Miss Never Scared, Little Miss Hubris, and or The Plan Girl'. Jay smirked playfully.

"Riiiiiiight... Anyway... I came over here to ask if you had plans Saturday. I've talked my parents into agreeing to a movie night with friends since we got that movie, _The Dark-Knight Rises_. If you're interested."Jayden tempted. I smiled weakly.

"Sounds fun. I'd have to talk my dad into it, then my mom. But it would depend on who else is going..."I told him. He nodded, getting up as the others started walking in.

"The others would probably be our usual crowd. Mel, Ru, you, if you come, me, obviously, and Jace."he told me. I nodded, watching him leave as Ruby sat down.

"What was he speaking of?"Ruby asked. I looked at her.

"A movie night with the group Saturday. I wanna go, but I'm not sure if my parents' will let me."I answered. Ruby smiled.

"I'm sure they will if others are going."Ruby said. Her eyes lit up for a second. "That jerk had better invite me to this movie party soon. Or I pull him around town. By his hair. In daylight. So everyone can see him."Ruby spoke, fake glaring at me. I chuckled.

"He will soon. It's just class right now..."I answered...

School had finally ended and I walked to the car-rider lane, standing beside Dakota. He looked at me. "Why do you look pale? You don't usually look that pale."he asked. I shrugged.

"It's winter, I haven't been out much, not enough vitamin D. You never know."I answered. He was about to retort when Dad pulled up. One glance inside showed that Corey was in the front seat. Dakota and I sighed, getting in the back. Dakota spoke of his day first, going into great detail about winning a fútbol, I mean, soccer. I smiled, enjoying the normalcy of it all...


	4. Chapter Three: Plans Made

Heart Ache

I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.

A/N:I am going to attempt to to this from Carter's POV now... Wish me luck. Oh, and italics are either emphasis or dreams. On with the show:

Chapter Three: Plans Made

When we got home, Momma was already there, Pizza Hut boxes on the kitchen table. "I got pizza!"she called to us. Corey and Dakota ran over into the kitchen, going to grab plates. Mom helped Corey fix his, while the rest of us got ours. We ate in relative silence, Momma and I giving our crusts to Benji to eat...

After we ate, I helped Daddy with the dishes while Koda did his homework and Corey went to watch one of his cartoons, Transformers, I believe. Momma was helping Koda, since it was History and that is her specialty. When Dad and I finished, I brought him and Momma into the kitchen, to ask about the party.

"I... Was wondering... If... I could possibly... Go to this party at Jayden's house... We'll be watching a movie..."I asked, smiling as sweetly as I could. My mom looked at me, concern evident in her eyes. I glanced at Dad, just in time to see the same concern in his eye.

"Carter... We've been talking, and we've noticed some... Unusual behavior from you... We wanna know if you're okay...?"Momma asked. I swore inside my head. They noticed! They probably even knew! 'Play it cool and you'll be okay.' I thought, thinking of how to answer her question.

"Momma, I'm okay. I promise."I answered her. Dad looked at me, concerned.

"Carter. You're not sleeping well. The past three nights I've checked on you, you were tossing and turning the entire time. I've noticed you're not eating as much as you usually do... Carter... Please... What's wrong?"he asked. I bit my lip, knowing that I couldn't lie to them. They were both trained to detect lies, to shoot them down. I decided to improvise, to tell them the truth... just not the whole truth...

"Okay. Yes. I've been having awful nightmares lately. Yes. They are often about Marcin and Perry. And yes, okay, I do worry that it will happen again. But the thing is, I know in my mind that it won't happen again. I know it won't. But I guess, subconsciously, I think it will happen again. I don't know what to do though."I admitted. My mom hugged me close, kissing my cheek. I forced myself not to tense, or she would know what else happened, or at least, suspect it. Dad hugged me next, being careful of me, as if I would break.

"It's okay. I promise. We will make an appointment with a doctor to help you... Or perhaps... It will give you something to help you."Daddy asked. I sighed. Doctors. I hate doctors. Especially those who try to get inside your head. Crap.

"Look... I will get better soon. I don't need some doctor to label me as... As a freak. I am okay. Albeit a little jumpier here lately, but I am okay. I just need to be left alone for a little while."I tried to explain. My mom shook her head.

"Baby girl. Trust me... I know you hate doctors, I hate them too... But sometimes, if you find the right one, they can really help you out... I hate to see you so upset like that though..."Momma explained. I looked at her.

"Momma..."I tried to argue.

"Carter. Look. Our family has a history of chronic and clinical depression and anxiety. We just want you to be okay."my dad answered. I looked at him, wondering.

"Who in our family has had any of that?"I asked, curious, slightly scared for myself. My dad sighed. This was something that he obviously didn't want to worry me with.

"Your grandmother, on my side, had depression. I had an uncle with anxiety... And I... had depression... For a long time..."my dad explained. I swore mentally, looking at him. How...?

"And you think I might have one of those?"I asked. My dad shrugged.

"Possibly..."

"Which is why we want you to agree to get checked out by a doctor..."my mother added. I thought it over.

"Okay... On one condition... I get the movie _Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths _and I will allow some quack to check me out. Deal?"I asked. My mom smiled.

"Deal. Plus, for good faith, we will think about that movie party."Mom agreed. Dad looked at her, shaking his head.

"I have to know who else is going. I am _not_ sending my thirteen year old daughter to a boy's house if she will be the only one there."my dad spoke. My mom rolled her eyes, going over to me.

"I'll try to talk him into it."she murmured, smirking. I smiled, walking out of the room to my room. This was going to end up being a long week...


	5. Chapter Four: Doctors

Heart Ache

I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.

A/N:I am going to attempt to to this from Carter's POV now... Wish me luck. Oh, and italics are either emphasis or dreams. On with the show:

Chapter Four: Doctors

Wednesday afternoon, at about 1:30 pm, the intercom called me up to the office to check out. After obtaining my homework from the last class I was going to have, I went to the office, noting my mom was there. "Ready to go Carter?"she asked. I nodded.

"I'm ready when you are."I answered, walking to the car with her. I sat shotgun, looking through our CDs to find one suitable to listen to. My mom glanced at me.

"So. Are you sure about this Carter? I don't want you to think I'm forcing you to do this or that you have no say in it."Momma asked. I turned to her, forcing a smile.

"Momma, I'm sure. I'm willing to try anything to make me better, especially if I get that new movie."I reminded her. She chuckled and rolled her eyes. I smirked, handing her the CD I had chosen. "Play this one please?"I asked her nicely. She took it and popped it into the CD player, turning it up to ten. All-American Rejects began going through the radio, their song It Ends Tonight playing. Momma tapped her hands on the wheel in time with the music while I bobbed my head. We turned to watch the other and burst out laughing. 'Wow... It feels good to actually laugh...' I thought to myself, deciding to enjoy the moment...

When we walked into the doctor's office, I signed myself in and took one of their clipboards to fill out the medical information. Momma helped me to fill out what I didn't know and we turned it back in, waiting for my name to be called. I began to read my book, Perfect, by Ellen Hopkins, to pass the time. The book had dark undertones, but had some humor in it, or at least, my type of humor was in it.

"Carter Kort?"a nurse called my name. I sighed, taking a deep breath as I put a bookmark into my book before standing up. I followed the nurse to the back where she weighed me and measured me. 5' feet 1" inch, 103 pounds. My measurements and scales. Then the nurse led me to the back room, telling me to have a seat. I sat down in the patient chair, my mom sitting in the extra one.

Then the three of us went into a discussion about what other medications I was taking (none), what I was there for (to get check out), and to make sure I was healthy (I am, just losing my mind in the process). The doctor walked in a few moments later, and I thought I might like her. She was a shorter older woman, her hair dyed a bright red color, her eyes smiling as much as her mouth was.

"Hello Carter! I am Dr. Henry and I have heard a lot about you and your brothers from your mother."the woman spoke. I smiled shyly.

"All good I hope."I responded, realizing that this was my mom's doctor, so she had to be okay. She chuckled.

"Of course it's all good. No mother bags on her kids, she just brags about them."Dr. Henry answered. I smiled.

"Good then... I guess.."I spoke. She nodded, then looked hard at me.

"Okay Carter, here comes the part we both are dreading. I am gonna ask you some questions... Okay? They may be a bit personal, but you must answer them in order for me to be able to help you. Okay?"she asked. I sighed.

"Okay. Go for it."I challenged her, smirking to show her I was confident. Dr. Henry smiled, then looked at her clipboard.

"Alright. Do you like being in crowds or where there are crowds? Like Wal-Mart or school events?"she asked. I thought for a second, trying to find the most honest response to that.

"No. I don't really like crowds. They don't bother me per-say... But I do not enjoying being around one because I just don't like people. I am a very misanthropic and morose person. People are not my favorite things to deal with. It's a wonder I have friends at school."I answered, my comments coming off as a bit smart alecky, not that I cared. The doctor chuckled as she wrote something down on the clipboard.

"Okay. Do you have a problem with bullies at your school? Do you ever feel... Inadequate?"she asked. Again, I thought long and hard before answering.

"There is a bully problem at my school, but they've gotten to were they don't bother me anymore, not after fifth grade when I beat up the last boy how made fun of my height. As for feeling inadequate, that only happens if I didn't do as well on a school assignment than I though I did."I answered. She nodded, writing more stuff down on that clipboard.

"You were... Kidnapped recently... Do you still have nightmares about it? Do you feel as if it will happen again if your guard is dropped? Do you feel upset often and not know why?"she asked. I swore mentally. Now the hard questions were coming. I thought carefully, trying to phrase the truth correctly. The truth I was going to tell them, not the whole truth. I couldn't even face the whole truth, there was no way they could too.

"I do have nightmares about it. Quite often actually... I have no control over them though, so it's like a replay of what happened, over and over again. Yeah, I do feel as if I will be taken again if my guard is down. I rarely took it down to begin with before I was ever taken, now I never have it down. I'm constantly on edge and my friends are starting to notice and worry. Being upset without knowing why? No, that doesn't happen. When I'm upset, I know exactly why. And their names are Marcin Jerek and Perry Sterling."I told the doctor, looking her in the eyes. I did it. I had finally called them by name, finally accused them of what they did, well... Mostly... What everyone else knows they did... As I said before, if I can't handle the whole truth, they couldn't either...

Dr. Henry nodded, writing something down. "That's all my questions for you Carter. Now I'm going to tell you what I think is wrong here. I think you may be suffering from PTSD, which is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and anxiety, which is were your body is constantly on edge, waiting for the next disaster to happen. I recommend taking Paxil, which is both an anti-anxiety medication and PTSD medication. Maybe ten milligrams of it. I also recommend talking to someone about this, perhaps a school counselor, or if you rather, someone I could recommend outside of school to help you?"Dr. Henry spoke. Momma looked at me.

"This is your choice Carter, your body and mind. Just tell me what you wanna do."Momma spoke. I took a deep breath, thinking it out in my mind.

"If I decide to speak to someone... Can it be on weekends or on days where I don't have school? I'm taking this pre-algebra course and I really can't miss that."I told her. The older woman nodded.

"You can schedule for anytime you need to, within reason, with a therapist."Dr. Henry told me. I thought it through.

"Okay. I'll do the Paxil and talk with the therapist that you recommend, though I would prefer female, so I can speak more freely."I requested. Dr. Henry nodded.

"Of course Carter. Your mom and I will work that out over the phone. Here is the prescription. Just get that filled whenever you can and I will see you in six months. Sooner if there are any problems. Okay?"she asked. We nodded and left...

After the doctor, Momma took me to Wal-Mart and let me get the movie I had wanted, along with getting my prescription filled. On our way back home we stopped by and picked up food for everyone, Chinese, and made our way back home, where we were greeted by the boys. I went upstairs to do my homework, listening to the others downstairs...

By bedtime, I was exhausted. I glanced at the pill bottle and decided now would be a good time to take them every night. I set my phone to alarm me every night at 10:30 pm from now on, so I could be sure to get the pill. I opened the Paxil bottle and took one out, getting a glass of water, I took a nice long drink as I swallowed the pill. I sighed and laid down, hoping to rest tonight...

_I was tied to the chair and couldn't move to save my life. I struggled, trying to break free, with no luck whatsoever. Then I heard it, that laugh that sent chills down my spine. "Where are you trying to go Carter?"the voice asked. I forced a smile._

_"__I'm not going anywhere Perry. I'm a little... Tied up at the moment..."I reminded him, gesturing to the ropes on my wrists. I heard him chuckle darkly and felt myself tense when I realized how close he was._

_"__I know Carter... Trust me... So... Which do you prefer? Carter, Car, or Annabelle?"he asked. I froze. Annabelle? How did this psycho know my middle name?_

_"__Who told you my middle name?"I asked him, trying to keep my fear from showing, trying to stay in control. His walked around to the front, facing me, one of his hands cupped my cheek, like how I've seen my dad do my mom before. I forced myself not to tense, to not let him know he was scaring me._

_"__Oh Carter... Don't you know I have many connections to you and your world? I do. That's how I found out about you... Well... That and the fact your father ripped me off... But we're settling that score now..."Perry rambled, his hand rubbing my face slowly, tracing around my lips. I closed my eyes, not being able to look at him anymore. I just wanted him to stop..._

_I felt his hand slide down my neck, then around my chest, still going lower. I felt tears streaming down my face. "Stop. I'm twelve. This is the kind of thing that you'll go to jail for for a very long time."I told him. He snickered, his hand going back from my thighs to my face, cupping it._

_"__Oh sweet innocent Carter... Don't you know? If you say anything, I know how to make your daddy have an accident. This time it won't be just an eye he'll lose... It would be his life. And as big of a Daddy's Girl you are, you wouldn't do that to him... Would you?"he threatened. I swallowed, looking down, the tears streaming._

_"__L-leave my dad alone... Please..."I pleaded with him, something that I usually felt was beneath me to do, but desperate times call for desperate measures. He smirked._

_"__Good girl..."he murmured, his hand tracing over my lips. "Ever been kissed Carter?"he asked. I tensed, realizing what he was going to do..._

I shot straight up, cold sweat beating down on me, panting. I felt water running down my face, my eyes blurry. I realized I was really crying. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sobbed softly, not wanting the others to hear. I heard a soft whimper at the bottom of my bed and peeked down. Benji was looking up at me, whimpering. I picked him up carefully, placing him on my bed. "D-did you have a nightmare too Benji?"I whispered to him, petting him. He licked me softly, trying to soothe me and himself, as if to say he did. I kissed the top of his head.

"You can sleep with me tonight, Boy. Help keep me safe from my monsters and I'll save you from yours."I whispered to him, our exchange. He seemed to nod and laid down at the foot of my bed. I took a deep breath, going to try and sleep again...


	6. Chapter Five: The Party

Heart Ache

I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.

A/N:I am going to attempt to to this from Carter's POV now... Wish me luck. Oh, and italics are either emphasis or dreams. On with the show:

Chapter Five: The Party

Saturday evening came a little quicker than usual, mainly because I was actually looking forward to it. I had spent most of the afternoon getting ready, wanting to look... Normal. My final decision on an outfit was my _Avengers_ t-shirt and a pair of jeans and my combat boots. I pulled my long brown hair back into a ponytail, finally ready to go. I grabbed my phone and walked down the stairs. "I'm ready to go Momma, Daddy."I called as I walked down, smiling.

My dad gave me a once over, making sure I wasn't dressed inappropriately(as if I'd ever do that), and seeing that I wasn't, he smiled. "You look great Carter."he complimented me, smiling. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks."I reciprocated. Benji ran up to me, barking his little fluffy tail off. I smirked and petted him. "The boys are taking care of you tonight Benji, I'm going to see a movie."I told him, kissing the top of his head. He was still carrying on though, to the point that Daddy put him outside.

Momma walked in. "I'm driving you Carter. Come on."she said, smiling. I followed her outside after telling Daddy and my brothers bye, getting into the car. The drive to Jayden's wasn't long, about ten minutes at most. He and the others were waiting for me outside. I kissed my mom's cheek.

"Thank you for bringing me Momma. Love you."I told her. She looked at me.

"Carter, if you start to feel bad or scared, just call me. Okay? If I don't get a call, I'll be back by eight. Okay?"she asked. I smiled.

"I'll be fine Momma. Love you."I kissed her cheek again and got out of the vehicle, going up to my friends as she drove away. Melissa jump-hugged me, almost making me fall down.

"CAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTTEERRRRr!"she called, squeezing me. I chuckled.

"Hey Melissa... You can let go now... You're starting to hurt me..."I told her. She apologized and let me go. Ruby hugged me next, then Jason(one of our many guy friends besides Jayden) hugged me one-armed, and finally Jayden hugged me.

"Come on... Mom made popcorn for everyone. And we need to fix our drinks before we start the movie."Jayden ushered us all inside his house. We got our popcorn and fixed our drinks, going into the living room to find places to sit down. Jayden sat down on one end of his couch, Ruby on the other, I sat in-between them, Melissa and Jason sitting up in front of the couch. Jay cleared his voice.

"Ladies and gentlemen. The movie we are about to watch is _The Dark-Knight Rises_, the last of the Batman trilogy. Ready to watch it and be amazed?"he asked, trying his best movie director voice. We all chuckled and nodded.

"Yes!"we all shouted as he pushed play. We all sat in silence as the movie played out, enthralled by it all. Then Bane said something that made me think of Perry. I swore mentally. I wasn't supposed to think of him, not today... I shook it off, pushing it into the back of my mind. However, one's mind does not simply work that way.

_He kissed my cheek, down to my neck. I tried to push him off, but I couldn't move to do so. "Stop. Perry.. This isn't right..."I tried to talk to him. He smirked, looking at me._

_"__Now, now Carter... Relax... Enjoy.."he murmured in my ear. My whole body was tense, wanting to run, the hairs on the back of my neck were even standing up. Perry smirked against my skin, his hands wandering over me. "Not quite developed yet... But you are young..."he spoke. I wanted to move, to leave. But I couldn't. Not right now..._

I gasped, shaking my head, trying to get rid of the image. Ruby glanced over at me. "Are you okay? You seem... Lost... Scared... And you're sweating..."she asked, concern in her voice. I bit my lip.

"I'm fine... Just thirsty... I'm gonna go get a refill..."I answered, getting up and going to the kitchen. I grabbed the Dr. Pepper bottle and began to pour some into my glass. I had just finished pouring the drink and getting a sip when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I tensed, my mind flashing back to that day.

_"__What's wrong Carter? You're being speechless..."Perry spoke, almost teasingly, cruelly. He had just touched me... Everywhere... Anywhere... I was shaking, never wanting anyone to touch me again. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. He grabbed my hair and pulled back, making me look him in the eyes. "I asked you a question, Miss Kort."Perry reiterated. I trembled..._

I had pushed whoever it was as hard as possible, making them hit the wall. "Stay away from me!"I cried out, realizing how shaky my voice was. I was shaking, trembling, my legs finally giving out on me. I had fallen to my knees...

_"__N-nothing's wrong Perry... Please... Just let me go..."I half-pleaded, half-begged him. Perry snickered, his hand going from griping and pulling my hair to playing with it, twirling it._

_"__I can't do that Miss Kort, not without getting my money... Besides, I'm having fun with you..."whispered, his hands going over me again. I trembled, silently begging him to stop..._

"Carter?! Carter! It's me, Jayden. Calm down. I'm not gonna hurt you. I was just gonna ask if you were okay..."I heard a familiar voice asked. I looked up, towards the voice, my eyes blurry. That was when I realized that I had been crying. Jayden was sitting close enough to me I could see him, but far enough I way I couldn't hit him if I flipped again. I realized I must have pushed him.

The others rushed in, wanting to see what the commotion was all about. "What's going on? Carter?!"Ruby cried out, running over to me, hugging me. I hugged her back, sobbing, trembling as the day played over in my head over and over again...

_Marcin had walked in and introduced himself... Somewhat anyway. He didn't like me, nor did I like him. I asked a question about his race, in which he hit me. Hard. My face was still stinging when Perry walked back in. "I'm so sorry he hurt you Carter... Such a nasty red mark on such a pretty face... I'm sorry..."he murmured, his hand carefully tracing over my face. It hurt me for him to do that, but I couldn't move, I had to take it..._

I shook, terrified. Ruby tried to calm me down, to no effect. I felt sick, and I jumped up, running to the bathroom. My mind flashed to Perry, how he untied my hands long enough to unclothe me, I heaved, vomiting into the toilet. I shook wanting this all to be over.

Ruby walked in and helped me clean up, holding me. "You're okay Carter... You're okay Carter... I promise you're okay. I won't let anyone hurt you... Shh... You're okay..."she told me, trying to calm me down. After I had somewhat calmed, my mind easing away from the awful memories of being kidnapped, I got up. The others had waited outside the door, Ruby turned to me. "Carter. We are your friends. We love you and respect your privacy. But we also realize you're gonna need some help... We don't know what happened though, so we don't know how to help... Please... Tell us what's wrong..."Ruby pleaded, everyone's eyes on me. I sighed, taking a deep breath.

I explained what happened, avoiding any details of what Perry really did to me, avoiding most details at all really. I just gave them the rough draft of what happened. Melissa and Ruby hugged me carefully. Apologizing. I shook my head. "Don't take this wrong... But I don't want sympathy, I just want to move on... Right now though... I feel sick... I think I'm gonna call home..."I told them, getting out my phone.

My dad was the one who came and got me. I was silent most of the way home until he pulled over and turned to me. "Okay... Why are you so quiet tonight? Did something happen?"he asked. I felt my eyes watering, remembering what happened at the party. My cheeks turned red at the embarrassment.

"I.. I'm fine Daddy."I told him. My dad looked at me, his eyes searching mine for the truth.

"Carter Annabelle Kort. Please... Just tell me the truth."he pleaded with me. I bit my lip.

"I... I broke down... At the party... And threw up... I... I feel bad... But the memories kept coming back... I... I couldn't shake them..."I told him, the tears falling down. I cried. My dad held my hand, petting it sympathetically.

"I am so sorry Carter... I wish... I wish I could've gotten there sooner..."he told me. I trembled.

"Not your fault... I should've been stronger... Can... We go home now?"I asked, ready to just take a shower and wash today away. My dad nodded and drove us home...


	7. Chapter Six: Doctor Waylan

Heart Ache

I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.

A/N:I am going to attempt to to this from Carter's POV now... Wish me luck. Oh, and italics are either emphasis or dreams. On with the show:

Chapter Six: Doctor Waylan

Monday went by quickly, up until the afternoon. My mother had told me that I was going to have my first visit with the shrink today. Joy. Oh how I love talking to psychiatric quacks who use the babble from their text books to explain away all the personal questions they ask. For those who can't detect it, that was sarcasm. Heavy sarcasm.

"Momma... I don't think I really need to do this... I mean, I can fix myself up on my own..."I told her, trying to plead my case. Momma rolled her eyes.

"You're the one who said you wanted to talk with a shrink, and I intend on having you do just that. Besides, what you say to Dr. Waylan is between you and her. Unless she's concerned that you will hurt yourself or someone else, she won't tell me what you say or anyone else what you say. Okay?"she asked. I sighed.

"Fine... But only until I can convince you that I don't need her."I spoke. My mother chuckled and turned on the radio to our favorite station, which relaxed me a bit. After a few more minutes of driving through the city, we got to the doctor's office. Momma helped me sign in and we sat down, waiting.

After what seemed like hours, an assistant seeming person walked in. "Carter Kort?"she called. I stood up.

"That would be me..."I told her. She smiled and gestured for me to follow her back, to some room with a few chairs and a television. I sat down in one of the chairs, trying to make myself comfortable as a blonde woman in possibly her thirties walked in. She smiled at me.

"Hello Carter. My name is Dr. Waylan. But I'd prefer it if you would call me Mary. Is that okay? Do you have something you'd prefer me to call you?"she asked. I thought for a moment.

"Mary... That's fine. And you can call me Carter. Like everyone else..."I told her, possibly much more harshly than I should have. She smiled sweetly.

"It's okay to feel apprehensive to psychiatry at first. To most people it's a bunch of babble and invasive. But in all honesty, it's not. We only ask questions that are necessary for us to be able to truly help the people we see. I care about my patients and want them to feel better."Dr. Waylan, Mary, spoke. I forced a smile.

"I understand. But in this day and time, most things are just babble. Most people don't care enough about their psyches or intelligence and act as stupid and ignorant as they can."I told her. Mary chuckled.

"Well aren't you an articulate and intelligent young lady?"she asked, though it sounded more like a statement of observation. I smiled.

"Thank you."I thanked her for the compliment. She smiled.

"So... Why are you going to start coming to see me?"Mary asked. I bit my lip.

"My anxiety and PTSD... I was... Kidnapped earlier this month... And... I keep seeing it replay over and over again..."I told her. Mary nodded slowly, writing something down.

"I see... I think we will start actual sessions every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This will be considered the introduction session since we have met each other, we understand where the other stands on this, and I can now figure out how to get the most out of our sessions through the information you just gave me. How does that sound?"she asked. I smiled.

"Like you are actually going to seem like a brilliant doctor, Mary."I answered. She chuckled and handed me a piece of paper.

"That is for your mother to look at and check out, so she knows what we may be doing in these sessions. That way, if she has any questions, she can ask me about them. Okay?"she asked. I nodded. The rest of the session went by smoothly, us just getting to know each other. Like by asking favorite colors, shows, foods, movies, ect. After we finished our hour, Momma and I left.

"Think you'll like her?"Momma asked me. I smiled softly.

"Maybe... Hopefully... We'll see..."I told her. Momma nodded and started talking about the latest case she worked on. I smirked, thinking how stupid the guy was. He left his business card just laying there, and then acted shocked when he was arrested for theft. Idiot...


	8. Chapter Seven: Better?

Heart Ache

I do not own anything. All rights for NCIS characters goes to Bellisario and CBS. I only own my own original characters.

A/N:I am going to attempt to to this from Carter's POV now... Wish me luck. Oh, and italics are either emphasis or dreams. On with the show:

Chapter Seven: Better?

A few months passed without too much worry. I have noticed that I looked over my shoulder less and less, that the nightmares were happening less and less. Perhaps I was getting better, maybe the Paxil and the talks with Dr. Waylan were actually helping. '_Maybe... Just maybe you're becoming normal again, Carter. Maybe things are going to work out..._'I thought silently to myself.

It was Friday, which meant a visit to the good doctor for another therapy session. I didn't dread it as much anymore, not since it seemed to be helping. I signed in at the office and walked back there when it was my turn. "So, how are you holding up Carter?"she asked, smiling. I sat down and smiled.

"Fairly well actually... Though I may end up screaming at my classmates before the school year is up. They are absolutely ignorant and intolerant people. And they wonder why I have misanthropic tendencies..."I huffed. The doctor shook her head.

"What are they doing that makes you so upset?"Dr. Waylan asked. I felt the adrenaline in my system reacting as I glared.

"They think it's 'cool' to make fun of and tease this boy at school. Just because he's openly gay. It's stupid! So what if he is a boy that likes other boys? So what if it is 'unnatural'? Flying in airplanes is unnatural, these abortions that girls have are unnatural, all these medications we take are unnatural. Who cares as long as the affections aren't directed at you? And I am a Christian, I know what the Bible says about being gay, but I also know that Jesus himself said that the greatest commandments were '_To love thy God thy Father, and to love thy neighbor as thy self._' And if I'm not mistaken, when Jesus says 'thy neighbor' He means everyone. Even the gays. So if the Christians continue to say they hate gays, then they're being hypocritical. It's stupid. And calling the poor boy a 'faggot'. They don't even know that that word really means a bundle of sticks tied together with sting, or that it's spelled f-a-g-o-t."I vented, letting the anger.

Dr. Waylan shook her head. "I know what you mean. We live in cruel times, Carter, and it seems that there is very little we can do about it... But I bet if you wanted to, you could change your school's system... If you tried hard enough... Maybe even start an anti-bullying campaign..."she spoke, giving off her opinion. I smiled.

"I might just do that in my computer class while I have free time... Make a presentation..."I spoke. She chuckled and we continued talking about the past few days, her occasionally jotting things down. Our time ended and I got up to leave for the office, when I stopped dead in my tracks. I had to take a double take as my pulse rushed. I could swear I had just seen Perry Sterling, and he was smirking at me. However when I did the double-take, he was gone.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down before I walked out to my mom. It would be rather embarrassing to walk in more flushed than when I walked out. I sighed and walked out, leaving with my mother, and as soon as we got home, I went to take a shower. A nice long one. One that I took the time to wash Perry off of me...

_He played with my hair, twirling it, running his hands through it. I struggled, wanting so badly to get away from him, from his touch. Perry chuckled. "Relax Carter... You'll have more fun if you relax..."he murmured. I felt him kiss my neck, goosebumps rising on my arms and the back of my neck. I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting him to see my tears..._

I gasped, opening my eyes, tears stinging them, alongside the water from the shower-head. I swore and scrubbed, washing his touch off of me. '_Why...? I... I thought I was getting better... Why all of a sudden...?_'I asked myself, shaking. My legs gave out and I slipped down to my knees, holding them to my chest as the water beat down on me. The flashbacks came quickly, but didn't leave, instead burning in my mind...

That was when I had decided that I was not better, that I probably would not ever get better. I felt myself trembling. '_What... What if I always remember this...? What if... I never get better...?_'I asked myself, turning off the shower. I started to dry off with the towel, my mind whirring about how I was going to make myself better. One phrase kept popping my head, one that stood out, that made me feel somewhat freer...

'_End it. Just go ahead and end your life. End the pain, the memories. Just end it. I can't live like this forever... End it..._'


End file.
